From Julie Sparks

I wasn't going to say anything until Monday, but I just need to find peace about this. I was pretty peaceful yesterday, but woke up this morning feeling like train had hit me. I know there are such worse things in life....
but...
I'll start with this:
First, PT(praise the Lord), he is so good to me..
My sister recently sent me an email that had this in it, 
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

I love that verse and it is so true. I prayed this more in about 5 minutes yesterday then I have in a long time...

So, Corbin and I get to the girls school, yesterday, around 1:45, about 15 minutes early today.
We play, get the girls, play some more.. I didn't take my phone in, just one more thing to loose with all the kids running around.

I parked illegally right in front bc I was so darn tired from a crazy busy yesterday and today. All the moms have left and we head to the car. I about have everyone in the car and Fred comes walking up. Ok, he works far away form here. I don't notice that he is whiter then normal or that he is not smiling..I simply say, "What are you doing here? Did the house sell?" Kids are screaming bc they see daddy! So happy they are.
Then he says, "Teresa called." I said, "Teresa who?" He said, "From the dr's office." Duh, this is my nurse I adore and am close to. I said, "Why". He said, "She said their might be something wrong with the baby." I say, "Very matter of factly, "What baby, I have the babies" as I wave my hand toward my small daycare center of children in the car.

He said, "The test you took yesterday came back and shows there maybe some type of spinal problems." Finally I clue in. I did the AFP blood test yesterday. I had already forgotten about it. It was a standard 16 week blood test on me, I did it with all the kids. I always forget about the test results....
So, he goes on to say they want us in for a sono asap. Sounds pretty serious to me. I look at him like, what about the kids. He said Teresa said she would watch the kids. Ok, are you kidding. We are on a starburst high bc that was the bribe of choice to get everyone in the car, and we are about to have a seriously drop in energy bc it is nap time. I call mom and she races over to the drs to sit with the kids. Then I look at him and say, "Well what do they want ME to do about it. I can't change it or do anything about it." Poor Fred and his overly practical wife!
You have to understand, it is all but a 5 minute drive from the school to the drs. That 5 minutes it hit me. What that might mean. I call Emily and ask her to pray and cry. Apparently the score we got back put us in a 1 in 15 chance of this diagnosis. 

I realize in that first 2 minutes of thinking of the baby and my family and trying to understand from Emily what it even is(She has a friend who's son was born with this) that I need to stop thinking and be praying. So that is what I did. So, fred waits for mom, about 7 minutes, while I go on in the office. I get my nurse and am so...bottom line with her. She had been crying, I could tell. She was honest with me. The Dr. comes in and we are waiting on Fred. I make him talk bottom line with me as well. I finally start crying. I think that was the 4th time he ever saw me cry, first 3 when we had the other kids(L&A are a package cry) 4th with my miscarriage. He was concerned and didn't soften the situation, but also said it could easily be a false +. Fred gets in there...Finally we do a sono, the dr stays in there during the sono. All actually, by the grace of God looks normal. 
The grace of God. I will come back to that. 

We go into his office, and he goes through all the 30 things it could mean. Some really bad, some not. One was un diagnosied twins! No worries...they looked:)
Some things he knew off the bat from the sono where not the case.. Others it could be...but like I could with the lottery kind of thing.

He is having us go to a specialist on Mon just to feel better. But was very reassuring that all was ok.

So, we leave there, lots of hugs and kisses. But still sick to my stomach.
I feel very at ease that this baby is ok. In the end it is how God designed this baby. I will feel better on Monday. But I am not stressed about it. Like I said, If something is wrong, what can I do. Nothing, but pray.

So, please pray for us as well. My appt is at 2:15 mon. 

The Grace of God...
Chloe is dancing to Amazing Grace in her ballet recital. We have been learning the words, verse by verse every night. Then we talk about what they mean. Explaining Grace to a 5 year old has been challenging. But now I understand it better today, then yesterday. The Grace of God. We don't deserve it, we shouldn't ask for it, but He gives it to us. For me, the Grace of God has been Him allowing me to hear such good news after such a sickening scare, allowing me to rely on Him before I knew anything other then the worst, allowing me to have faith that no matter what Monday brings, it is in His hands and not mine.
The Grace of God. Can you have a better gift? 



Thanks,
Julie T. Sparks